There comes a time in a person’s life when things like fancy cars, luxurious clothing, and other ostentatious items become unable to fill certain voids. Humans are creatures that crave companionship as they are social animals by nature. With that said, there’s some people who go on a single date, assume a date = relationship, and then may end up marrying someone that has a horrible personality and appearance to match. To avoid such things, here’s a list of 10 things to look for when choosing a man/woman as a partner. They’re not in a particular order, and will be released whenever possible.
TOP 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD LOOK OUT FOR: #3: SENSIBILITY ABOUT MONEY
Obviously on the first few dates, you will be more likely to talk about sexual shortcomings or bad manners than you would about someone’s personal finances. Nevertheless, you wouldn’t want to date someone who is only looking for a ‘wealthy benefactor’ or someone to pass their debt onto, would you? Another type of person of concern would be an individual who definitely has one or more legitimate jobs but still spends more than they earn. These types of people will pay off one credit card with another, borrow from friends and family regularly, and try to talk up their game using material items. There are also people who are pure-bred con artists, thieves, and government aide cheats. How do you siphon the good from the bad? Here’s a few of the many strategies possible just to give you an idea:
#1: Expensive car, expensive dinner, cheap personality.
If the person you’re dating has ‘wine tastes and a beer budget’, it’ll be very easy to tell based on their regular manners and actions. Since I used ‘car’ and ‘dinner’ in the title, let’s just address things about these two:
For the car, do they have trouble with adjusting mirrors or finding controls on the buttons? If the vehicle doesn’t have a ‘new car smell’ by actually BEING a new car or having a dealership plate and stickers if they say they bought it used, then chances are they paid anywhere from $100~$2000 for a daily rental. Places like Hertz have various vehicle grades from the usual BMW and Benz to the illustrious Porsche or Ferrari. Do they park on the street when there’s a private well-lit lot or valet available? It’s one thing to save money or protect your vehicle by parking a car yourself in proper parking lots, but if your date parks the vehicle a block down the road or on the side of a street for the sake of saving a few bucks, then either they’re being ‘Penny Smart - Dollar Foolish’ or they’re counting up their budget to ensure their card doesn’t get declined.For the dinner, does your date have trouble navigating through the restaurant yet bragged how they’ve been there many times before? At the very least, a person should always either be upfront about how it’s their first time to the place as well or they should have visited the restaurant ahead of time so they know where everything is.
Did your date place a reservation or do you have to wait an hour? Unless the date was spur-of-the-moment, there should always be a plan that is structured but flexible. Not even setting a reservation can be a sign of weakness or simply that they don’t know what they’re doing.
Do they try to act like they know what they’re ordering yet butcher the names or choose a wine blindly? The fine line between a snob and a poser is that even though both make come off as arrogant, the snob actually knows what they’re talking about with the experience (and funds) to back up their claims.
Do they drop some tableware at a very expensive restaurant and then pick it up themselves? Do they keep their cloth napkin on the table all the time? Do they grab the wrong fork or spoon when indulging in hors d’oeuvres? These three questions expose the individual’s level of experience in higher-tier restaurants. Top-class establishments have waiters trained to immediately pick up anything that’s dropped on the ground and have a fresh replacement at the ready while Mid-tier and lower establishments do not. Cloth napkins generally go on the lap and more napkins can be requested easily at any time. As for the proper use of silverware, ‘work your way in’ is the general rule of thumb.
#2: Suit/Dress doesn’t even fit their body type.
I have people messaging me a great deal when it comes to fit and finish of proper attire, but let me start by saying this: if you can’t tell whether or not their outfit is tailored or just-bought, then chances are you’re still safe. It’s really only when things are blatantly obvious that you should have cause for concern, such as uneven sleeves at the wrists, bulky shoulders/straps, or the typical “it looks like s/he’s swimming in it!” remark. I could care less if a woman was wearing a newly-released Valentino gown and a man being a walking Gucci catalogue — if their wardrobes don’t fit their body, they will always be seen as either replicas or hand-me-downs (neither of which anyone truly wants to be judged as wearing).
#3: Wallet/Purse that resembles a Poivron Farci.
If your date’s wallet is stuffed full of cards and coupons like a bellpepper, then that’s a big red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. It symbolizes disorganization if it’s full of business cards (that aren’t their own), anything from frugality to being a cheapskate if it’s full of coupons and discount cards, and a complete S.O.S. if they have more than three credit cards at the same time.
The average person may violate one of these rules or simply have a stuffed wallet yet know where everything is. This is usually fine, but if they start muttering “where did I put it…” repeatedly or say “umm, try this one” when handing a card to the waiter, be very concerned and be prepared to stand firm and only pay for your share of the meal.
#4: After a few dates they discuss “helping each other out”.
If your date starts asking for favors like “my [insert item here] just got [insert damages here] by the [insert commonly-hated gov’t entities here] and I need [insert $ amount here], can you help me out?”, start being suspicious.
We do have those once-in-a-while situations that are beyond our financial control such as locking your keys and wallet in the car, being mugged, or you need someone to post bail for you (this last one I hope you never ask your date for whether innocent or guilty), etc. Nevertheless, if someone were to ask me for such a favor, the first thing I would do is to offer to help them get a lift to their residence or to a family member or friend who could help instead. If they truly have no one to turn to except you and they make it difficult for you to say ‘no’, then insist you’ll go with them if you pay the amount yourself and get a receipt as well with a promissory note they’ll pay you back in a certain amount of time. If they start getting antsy/anxious/excited/offended or they need to ‘make another phone call’, then assume they’re trying to con you and that they either need to change their story or they need to call a friend to pretend to be someone collecting the debt.
#5: They’re financial extremists.
If they demand to merge your finances with theirs before marriage or they don’t want you ever poking into their finances at all, they’re either wanting full control or their spending is out of control. Asking one another for a FICO score is one thing (I find it positively refreshing), but asking for bank account information, number of savings accounts owned, or dodging a simple ‘how did you pay for this?’ question should raise a great deal of concern.
#6: Rich on the first, broke on the fourth.
The tell-tale sign of someone living on the edge in a paycheck-to-paycheck situation is that they’re spending money on needless items or social outings during ‘the first’ (payday) but then trying to be frugal or complaining about lack of pay by ‘the fourth’ (last week in the month).
People who have some financial stability will not have intense spikes in financial complaints or activities. Exceptions to this rule are when your date calls you up saying you two are going to celebrate a big contract deal and you’re then sent off in a new saloon to a yacht party or new restaurant. The other side of this is that they complain they need to cut back on a luxury because they screwed up at work and had pay docked or a contract fell through. Either way, the spike may happen, but the rest of the activities are consistent and not in any way an extreme.
#7: Gambler’s High.
Well, I couldn’t put up a picture of a roulette wheel without at least one poking into gambling now could I? There is a huge difference between playing some table games and slots versus actually gambling. In terms of playing games, you’ve set a limit of how much you’ll spend that doesn’t interfere with your quality of enjoyment or quality of life upon leaving the casino. If you go over that limit then at least you played some expensive games and had fun. If you win, then that’s a great way to enjoy the rest of the evening. However, if you’re at a casino to win and get angry when you lose, you’re making a bad impression. If your date is the one doing this, then you should be very careful and be absolutely certain they aren’t going to ask you for a little extra cash.
I’m sure there will be many other situations you readers can all think of when it comes to warning signs regarding money, but these are just some examples of the most common ones that make or break relationships. Financial responsibility is something everyone must be aware of and a burden that must be shared in regards to long-term relationships. …now go on and reorganize your wallet/purse already.